I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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