my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
