yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
