So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
