Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
