my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
