tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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