i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
