if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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