life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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