why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
