I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
