Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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