Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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