Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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