i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
