I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
