I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Small penises have feelings too.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
