Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
