He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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