I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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