The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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