Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
