One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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