47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need water and some morals
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
