Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
