Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
