My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
