oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
