Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
