Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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