I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There are leaves in my underwear?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
