What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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