I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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