$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
