Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
