what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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