You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
