At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
