some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
