I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
