Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
