Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
