Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
