First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
