well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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