good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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