somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
