haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
