Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
