At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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