Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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