You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
