and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My dick has a subreddit
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
